Happy New Year, and to all a good night

Good morning folks,

I thought it wise to post one last thing before we ring in the New Year. Much has happened over the past year, and well, not all of it good or wise. I learned many lessons, and lessons are learned through mistakes. I made some huge decisions, found a wonderful new roommate and apartment, started a new job, got my heart broken, made some amazing new friends and strengthened the bonds of old ones, I read lots of books, I started a new hobby (ballroom dance) and picked up some old ones again (why hello there scrapbooking!), I found meaningful volunteer service, really started cooking more, and I went to my first Comic Con. I continued to diligently write in my blog, and started a book, wrote some poetry, I hosted my first Thanksgiving, I turned 24, I applied to grad school, beat a few weird illnesses, and took on a second job. I realized sometimes we have to be content to miss people because there is a reason they are no longer in our lives. I re-arranged my life to find new dreams and put myself on the path to reach them. I completed a year of AmeriCorps, I dyed my hair!, and I was published twice. I gained a better understanding of the Italian language, (si, e vero. Capisco piu). I learned that endings are endings, but there is a new beginning somewhere else. I found who my true friends are, and finally understood why friendship is the most important gift.
But most importantly, I survived. I made it through and even with many moments, when I thought I wouldn't, I did. The hardest part is accepting the time, knowing that when your chest hurts so bad and your body literally aches with sorrow, time really will make it better. If you can make it through those moments, it really will get better. It sounds so cliché, but there were times this year when grief ripped my body apart, but I still pulled through. Not because I am particularly strong or resilient, not because I have this great big heart, but because I had people who helped and once you slide on past the hurt, it does ebb away. Sorrow tends to narrow our scope of things. Grief makes us curl into our selves, and we stop seeing the periphery, the future, the days that march ahead of us. Emotional pain is a lingering ache, but we can cure it. Cure it with friendship and laughter and tears and cooking and reading and wine and good movies with good people and good food. There are band-aids for all wounds, even the ones you can't see.
So what did I learn this year? Oh, so many things. I learned to love again, or rather, to keep on loving. I may have gotten quieter, but I still have a voice and I am not afraid to speak. I learned how to heal, and that time is a friend not an nemesis. I learned being single is really awesome because trust me, relationships come with complications and responsibilities, and who wants that in there in twenties when I still eat cereal for dinner sometimes. I learned doing things the hard way lead to the best rewards, and to not give up when it seems hopeless. I learned new words, and found new books. I learned to be diligent and kind and try not to judge so much (this was the hardest thing). I learned to write every day, and whatever you do, don't ever, ever, ever give up on your dreams, even if you need to let the dust settle before you continue walking towards them.
I hope you all have a happy, wonderful, safe New Year. I hope you all find whatever it is you want this coming 2015. I hope you sigh with contentment not frustration, and I hope you stop waiting and start moving towards your dreams too. I wish you all the best, and maybe some of the worst, because life isn't perfect and sometimes it will be messy, but some of most beautiful things in life are the messes we create and the art born from it.
I hope I have a better year. I hope my search produces some treasures. I hope more good people come into my life, and that I can celebrate the good things with the wonderful people already in it. Good luck, my friends.

"The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, but in ourselves" W. Shakespeare

Bread: The Results

So I swear to you all that I did not plan for things to occur as they did. Remember yesterday, when I wrote that horrid post complaining about my failed bread experiment. How hopeless it all seemed. How the dough was terrible and nothing came out right. Remember that? Remember all that drama?
Well it was drama over nothing. I let the dough sit over night, and even though it didn't rise, I decided to bake anyway this afternoon. Boom. Took the plunge.
I preheated the oven to a piping hot 400 degrees, put some cornmeal on the baking sheet, and popped that stick goo into the oven. I put twenty five minutes on the timer, and went to do dishes. Bam. It was a long shot, trust me. I expected things to go horribly wrong, or for it just pander into nothing.
So imagine my surprise, when the sweet aroma of fresh bread wafted over to me. That warm smell. Ah, that sweet, rich scent of toasting crust. I peered into the oven, and there was a round loaf of bread.
What?
I tested it and sure enough, cooked through, soft on the inside with a crisp crust. Whoa.
So not to get philosophical, but no really, let's do it. I was completely shocked by this turn of events. Yes, it's bread. But hey, it's the little things we take the most from, isn't it? The bread dough really had no reason to come out as tasty as it did. But in the end, with a little faith, hope, and maybe some pixie dust it came out alright. It sure as hell didn't have the end result I had aimed for in the beginning, or the product I thought I was going to get when I put it in the oven. I did have some tasty, tasty bread. Bread is bread, right?
Well wrong. But still, sometimes the road we take to where we want to go isn't going to look right, and maybe the result will be different than what we planned for. The directions will be tricky, the steps don't take you to the right places or leave you with not-quite-right results. I guess the lesson here is to keep going. I didn't have to bake that batch, but I did anyway. And well, the bread came out just as tasty. Mistakes can help you, they can propel you to new places, and help you learn. Or maybe those mistakes turn out to be as great as if you followed the recipe and succeeded.
You just have to keep going.
Thanks Bread, you really taught me something today. 

Bread

I know it's taken me a bit to write another post. My apologies. Life has been tremendously busy, and I know I always say that. Mostly because it's true. With the Thanksgiving Holiday just past, a scary day of working retail on Black Friday (for any non-American readers, this is the day when we greedy Americans trample each other for not so great shopping deals the day after we proclaim our thankfulness over what we have, we love our hypocrisies over here). My weekend was so crazy it gave me a lovely cold which I have been suffering from the last two weeks and finally had to call in sick last night because I couldn't talk and could barely stand.
Yup, I have a hard problem 'resting'. I just can't stop until someone steps in and forces me to sit and relax. It's not a healthy way to live life, but I have responsibilities and well, I can't really afford to take a day off. Do you know how much I lose in a paycheck if I do so? And they take so much out for taxes, it's insane! I'll maybe see 3/4 of a paycheck, probably less.
I could gripe about the government and its exorbitant taxes all day, I need to save money and how can I do that if I barely have enough to survive paycheck to paycheck. It'll work out, it somehow always manages to do that anyway. I work two jobs, which I surprisingly like to do? Well, for one it keeps me busy and entertained. I think too much as it is, and I don't need to the extra time to do so. In my free time, like some I had today, I experimented with making bread.
It didn't go well.
So far, it hasn't risen at all. Which apparently yeasty bread is supposed to do. How can I be a good cook if I can't even make bread? Ugh, so frustrating. It tasted fine. But the consistency is all wrong. Maybe the water cooled too quickly when it was soaking in the yeast? Right now the dough is flat and doesn't look right.
Il pan e male.
The bread is bad. Well if I actually made it to the baking part it would be. Maybe baking bread isn't my thing? It's possible. But I'm not giving up. I'll keep you all updated. I have two more yeast packets left, and several other recipes. It shall not escape me, this elusive trick.