Thoughts on Food and Cooking

I love to cook. This is a somewhat recent phenomenon that I have constant access to a fully decked kitchen. My kitchen is beautiful, and I wish you could see how spacious and bright it is. I love having a space like this all to myself. Clean, orderly, organized. Cooking has been a great relief for me. I enjoy working my hands, molding dough into something delicious and edible, experimenting with spices to create that perfect chicken. It lets me escape the stresses of the day from work to relationships. I come home and heat up that stove. Baking is personal favorite, because who doesn't love sweet things? I know I sure do. Probably too much.
So, cooking. It's awesome. I realize I am no great chef, and far from a culinary expert. That's my best friend, Amy. She's the culinary genius of the group. But, cooking, it's great. And relaxing. It allows me to branch out creatively.
One thing I have noticed is how rare it is for people to cook meals for themselves. Especially women. I know I am making huge generalizations here, but let's roll with this for a bit. Many women I know -single or married or somewhere in between - won't cook a meal for themselves. They are more apt to eat leftovers or order out or something easy (like microwavable meals). I know men who do this too, unless someone cooks for them or someone is visiting, they won't cook. And I guess, I just don't see why. I cook for myself all the time. Sometimes it's easier for me to experiment that way because if it turns out horribly, no one is there to witness my culinary failure.
I think people should cook for themselves, and make meals. It's not a waste (hey, leftovers for lunch! Show off that cooking expertise at the work place!) because you need to eat and eat good, healthy things. I like eating the dishes I cook because it comes with a sense of accomplishment (whew, nobody died or had food poisoning, score!). Whether someone or not someone is there to share in the delight that is a hot meal, cooking a meal for myself is important. Food is important to me, and eating is also important. As someone who occasionally forgets to feed myself, actually prepping and cooking helps me keep that eating on track. Plus it is one way that I love myself, I cook good things for me to eat. Does that make sense? Just like I take myself on a date every once and a while, I cook a nice meal (nothing huge or extravagant).
Food and eating is a huge part of our lives - even if we don't have enough to eat, it will still be on our minds. You don't have to be a fantastic cook to cook for yourself. It is worth the time to have a meal after a long day, although I understand there are days that really are too long for anything other than sleeping. That a healthy meal is a good way to end the day, no matter what.
But I hear that women won't cook for themselves because it's not worth it to cook only for one person. Well, you are a person and you deserve good food!
These are very erratic thoughts, my mind is mostly elsewhere at the moment. But I really think people should cook more for themselves if they are alone. A meal for a single individual is just as good as a meal for several people. Plus when you cook a meal, you are eating healthier, you know what goes into that food and what you are getting out of it. So good vibes all around. 

Success

So last evening, a fellow and I were having a discussion about life. And by discussion I mean I talked a lot and he listened intently. He's a cool dude. But I also say that about anyone who will let me chatter away uninterrupted. I like to talk for those of you who haven't met me.
Anyway, I mentioned that I consider myself to be successful in life thus far, even though I'm not even a quarter of a century old yet and haven't done much with my life. Except kick the ass out of some depression, get published, maintain a blog, complete a year of AmeriCorps, and pay my rent on time. Out all of that, the rent thing is the most impressive. I have such wild adventures, I know. Crazy me. In-sane.
So, he asked me why I felt this way, and it took a moment, but I have reached an amazing pinnacle in my short life. I am in a way on the summit looking down at the cliff face I just spent a year climbing and I feel successful, I feel better about life than I have in a long while. I respect myself, something I fear I lost. I just completed a very long, arduous training to be CSL advocate (Crisis and Support Line) for SARSSM. An amazing group of people helping those effected by sexual assault in Southern Maine. So, between that and two jobs, I spent an extraordinary amount of time helping other people. Because more than anything that is what I love to do. I love my blog and my friends and drinking red wine with pasta and comics and books. I love to read and hike. I spend much of my waking time loving things because I feel strongly about almost everything I do. I'm not much of a middle ground person, I either love or hate. I don't do ambivalency. I do passion and love. And most importantly, I love helping people. I love working where I do because I can help people first hand and also know my efforts and work go to helping Catholic Charities do the work they do. There is a cycle of good here, that I can keep going.
I sleep quite soundly at night.
So, volunteering is one way for me to give the one resources I have nothing but to give: time. I can let them talk so I can listen. I can give them my compassion and empathy, because I do not have much money. And I'm so okay with that. I can give them something better. At least, I see this is as something better. I realize this is a very idealistic view of the world and myself. I know many other would prefer money. I know some people prefer the material. Heck, I prefer the material sometimes. And even though I live pay check to paycheck, I know I can still give back. I can still do something to make life a little better for someone.
So, why am I successful? Because even without money, I can still maintain a lifestyle I have always wanted. I can still help out where I can. I can still lend an ear, still laugh with my friends, still cook for those I love. I can still dream big dreams.
Because I can still say to myself "I can" and not doubt myself, that I can happily live in the positive, give good, and receive good.
So, this post mya have been a huge pat on the back for myself, but hey, this is my blog and I'm going to write what I want. Maybe, this will inspire others to go out and give a little kindness. I see so much negativity, and its' true, there are many instances where I lose my faith in humanity. But then, I try not to give up hope. This doesn't have to be a losing battle.

Pirates and Monks

Recently, I have been on a book reading binge. I devour books like some people breathe air. I can't help it, my appetite for books is insatiable. Two books that stick out in my mind during my recent book binge escapades are Cinnamon and Gunpowder by Eli Brown (?) and The Name of the Rose by Umberto Eco. Let me tell you, right now, I had a wonderful time reading these. Although, Eco's novel is much better, both stylistically and plot development wise. I loved The Name of the Rose, the main character is best described as a medieval Sherlock Holmes, completely British and snarky. But even better, I saw this British mastermind through the eyes of an Italian author, who had great commentary on the Brits. Just so wonderful. The scene of the novel was a monastery high in the Italian Alps that revered books, and supposedly contained the largest library in the Western world. What a place to be. If only it still existed. I heave a sigh at the thought of such a place, and can only aspire to find a modern equivalent.
Anyway, the book was massive, and very intricate. Often times, random bits of Latin would start midway in a sentence, which was lovely but also frustrating as my Latin is quite rudimentary and I needed to open up Google translate (which for those of you who don't know, isn't very good). I loved the descriptions of religious medieval life, and I found myself hungering for Gregorian chants and medieval drinking songs. I admit I may have listened to some chants on YouTube. I feel no shame. I loved the sections on heresy and women. Well, there wasn't much on women, but what was said was very true to the time. It made me think about the connections between women and heresy, and groups that were persecuted by the Church as heretical, because of their relations with women. Intriguing stuff. The characters were well rounded, but I did, in some ways, not quite like the end. I just found the crazed old man to be too much, I just don't see how anyone could hate laughter so much that he would resort to murder. But I guess the fanatical can be found in almost anything: from love of God and hatred of merriment.
The other books Cinnamon and Gunpowder was quite good, and better than I expected. It was more a fun read rather than the intellectually stimulating as Eco's was. It also managed to make me very, very hungry. All the talk of food and pirating. Man, enough to make any lady ravenous. Although it did end up becoming a love story in the end, which was mildly disappointing, because it was great without the romance. The food sounds intoxicating and Brown's descriptions of the scrumptious delights were mouthwatering. He wrote in such a way that you could almost smell the food he wrote about. It also included an amazing Vanilla-Rose Amaretti that I need to try, and when I do, I'll write about it. Ah, the food.
Short post today, and I feel in some ways I should really create a more themed blog instead of online journal. But, that isn't really my vibe. I don't do singular themes, I do whatever pops into my head on any given day. Well…glad I cleared that up. 

Take Me to Church

This post most likely will have no set theme, just the ruminations of a mad lady with too much on her mind and not enough space to put her thoughts into being. 

I've spent too much of my time worrying about money. It's true. I have student loans that need paying and food to buy and rent. I also realize there are plenty of ways to remedy these: for one I could move back in with my family. It's a simple and easy solution, but it feels wrong to me. I love my family (shout out to those of you who read this!). I just really need my own space, my own rules, and way of doing things. It's not that they prevent me from this, it is more the innate reaction of being there. I am different around my family members. I just am. But I also love having my own apartment where I make all the choices. I cook what I want. I do laundry whenever I want. I can lay on the floor and contemplate the meaning behind the universe if I damn well please with no one to tell me any differently. I need my room like I need air. I need to hermit and cry for no good reason because some days I just really need to do that. And some days I am just a curmudgeon and want nothing to do with anyone and want my alone time. Netflix is really great for those days. 

I love having my own space to write in. Of course most of my writing is through this blog, but I am the occasional poet. I even sent some poems out to journals recently, and I cannot wait to hear back from them. Who knows, maybe my next publication will be in a journal? I'd love that. I think we need to bring back a greater appreciation for poetry. What say you? Here is a link to some of the different pieces I've posted on Goodreads: 

Laura's Poetry

Please read if you can. I want feedback. 

Anyway, the biggest change right now in my life is the addition of a second job AND I dyed my hair! Yes! It's now this gorgeous chocolate cherry color that I absolutely adore, and I'm so pleased I decided to do this. I've never really dyed my hair (some blonde highlights that I didn't really like, and a blue stripe in college). I never did do much with it in college because my partner at the time didn't like body modification. He didn't like piercings, tattoos, or hair dye. So….I didn't get any more piercings, color my hair, or look into more tattoos because I spent much of my time wanting to look attractive for him. But now, I realize I don't need to look attractive to anyone but myself. Because you know the most important person in my life is? Me. 

As selfish as this sounds, I think about myself very frequently. I think about what I want in life, where I want go, who I want in my life. I think about all that I've learned about myself and how it took the greatest emotional upheaval of my life to realize I am the most important person in my life and that there are things I have denied myself due to other people. I don't have to or even want to ever do that again. I want to take care of myself. And I do. I love tattoos. I like piercings. I like decorating the walls of my temple, and if you don't like it, don't come here. I do things for myself now, because I like them or want to try them out. This is how it should be: in relationships with yourself and other people. I shouldn't deny who I am or what I like because someone else disapproves or approves. Although my partner never stopped me from doing these things, he never encouraged them either and I became too focused on what he wanted than what I wanted. Well, no longer I say. No longer. Some day - although hopefully not soon - someone will love my red hair and tattoos. Some day I will find someone who loves all these weird sides of me as I love them. I understand that this is not a treasure map, relationships can't be looked for. They just happen. But when you accept yourself and be around people who enjoy similar activities, you're more likely to find someone who loves and appreciates you for who you are. I've stopped pretending to be someone who I am not, and have started living a life that I find fulfilling, successful, and active. I am SO grateful for what I have, what I do, how I look, for my health and all the wonderful, beautiful, talented people in my life. For those of you who are no longer here, well I can tell you, we have gone our separate ways but thanks for being here when you were. I feel better having known you and grown. But now I'm awesome. More so than before. 

I dance and dico italiano. Si, italiano. e quanto bello e che. 

So I give all of my readers my hope and words. As well as the link to my new favorite song:

Laura's Tunes

Buonanotte!