Saturday Morning Thoughts

I needed to get in one more post before the end of February, so this is it ladies and gentlefolk. This might be one of my more rambling posts, but I have a few topics I'd like to touch upon. One of which is my displeasure with tax season and AmeriCorps. And millennials in general, how odd our lives are. I have a few things to gripe about, and well, I wouldn't be if I didn't let everyone know about it.
But let's start on a less cantankerous note. Life is going as well as it can be right now. Nothing terrible has occurred, and for the most part, everyone I love is well, healthy, and content. It's also slowly entering the months where we might some warmer weather and sunshine. I could use some sunshine. I'm beginning to prep for my garden and decide which vegetables and flowers I want. Having fresh food for summer cooking will only add to the great summer I know I'm going to have. Hiking, Michigan, gardening, beach. And maybe Cranberry Lake for fourth of July? I think I can handle this. More than handle it, I'm ready for it.
My best friends are getting married somewhere amongst all that as well. My dance competition is only two months away now, and can anyone say tango? I have three dances I'm prepping for (tango, waltz, and foxtrot.) I'm beginning to look at my life more, and think about what I really want from it. Some of it is simple: eliminate my debt. Save money. Travel. Some of it is harder to put into words: contentment. Fulfillment in job and home and health.
I've heard these are very millennial traits, which only furthers my frustration with my job and tax season. Once I completed my AmeriCorps service, I had difficulty finding a new job, and one that paid me well. Yet, I did receive this awesome Education Award that I could use to pay down my student loans, and the relief I felt was palpable. Student loans are a killer, as many of my friends can attest to. Nasty things, with exorbitant interest rates and soul crushing customer service. Hence the reason I work two jobs at the moment. Catch #1, Education Award is only for federal student loans (they were very vague about this when I signed my contract), but I had federal loans so it still worked, and helped to pay off some of those. Yay! Now, catch #2. This particular award counts as extra income. Yep. So, even though my income for the past year kept me under the poverty line, I still had to pay taxes on it. Lovely right. Serve your country, but we're going to tax the only thing of value we're giving you. Have fun with that. So...what was the point of the award, when I could have paid that money off on my own and eventually received a tax break? Holy hell, it's ridiculous! It really just tarnishes my whole experience with AmeriCorps. They offer these seemingly great incentives and perks, but the catches that follow undermine anything of worth. I know I hit a bad year in general, with the government shut down and then the mess with insurance. But, I can barely express my disappointment with my AmeriCorps service. I gained experience in a way, but it has done little else to further my education, life, or career path. I don't regret taking the job, mostly. It did bring me to Maine after all. Yet, money has become such an issue. It's a huge stresser on my life. So what's a girl to do? I keep working, and I cut my expenses. I do my best to live minimally when I can, but life. It's just this add frustration that even though I work hard, work long hours I'm still stuck. I'm getting no where. Yet, do I give up my apartment, my life in Maine, and scamper somewhere else? Do I pick up and leave?
I can't do that. I can't just give in like that. The way is not clear to me. I'm sure it will all come clear in time, I have faith that it won't always be like this. I also realize that so many others are in similar positions. This is such a common problem for college graduates, that loans and the cost of housing and food and the lack of viable experience all pile against us and we're holding it all on our shoulders. But it won't always be like this, and I have to trust that my education was worth it and that I can do something more with my life than just fret over money.

Cooking is Prayer

Good morning folks,

Here I come again! Full of pep and life. I may have had a good week, in the sense that nothing has gone terribly wrong and I may have had an excellent Shrove Tuesday (think Mardi Gras or Fat Tuesday).
So far my cooking experiments have been gone beyond par, and everything has tasted supremely delectable. In some ways I feel like the Julie and Julia book, about the woman who decided to cook one of Julia Child's recipes every day of the year. I don't cook something new every day but it's bordering on once or twice a week. I love cooking new recipes. On Valentine's day, the dreaded day of single people everywhere, I felt no sadness. Why? Well, I did what I've come to love second best in this wide world (the first is reading if you didn't know). I baked. I felt slightly awkward, not necessarily unhappy and not even lonely (I have a wonderfully awesome roommate to thank for that). I quietly snuck into our kitchen, and flipped through some cook books, and ransacked our refrigerator, and surveyed what I had to work with.
My first creation was from-scratch cornbread, which is so easy to make, and then I cooked up some Andouille sausage. The smell was intoxicating. Andouille is a southern pork sausage, typically used in jambalaya. I then added that to the batter, and baked it. Oh, such flavor! Andouille has some spice to it, and the sweetness of the cornbread combined nicely with the bite of the sausage. Good times, so tasty.
My second creation is the dream of dessert lovers everywhere. I took the crescent rolls dough, separated it, and then added some cinnamon (such a useful spice) and a blob of nutella. Well, let me tell you. There is a heaven on earth, and it was within those rolls. The cinnamon added a nice offsetting flavor, but did not distract from the hazelnut. Very complimentary.
Anyway, the baking was a great way to focus on something other than the snowy evening and the fact that I'm very consciously single. Not that being single is bad, per se, but on Valentine's day you are either miserably single or happily coupled. It seems there is no in-between. So, I delved into the contented place I find when I'm in the kitchen and creating. I am by no means a religious person, that time has long past for me, but there is something about cooking. When I work with my hands, when I create something that then is passed on to friends and family and co-workers, it is a wondrous thing. There is something holy about it, I suppose. And how fanatical and condescending does that sound? The point being that cooking is an art and action and something I do to feel relaxed, to help me heal, to help me unwind and I feel generally good when I can cook something that others and myself enjoy. I can loose track of all the insanity outside of my kitchen, from bills to work to other worries. It's a way to look into myself and connect with my life in a different way, it's a way for me to spread love. Learning how to connect with people has been difficult for me in the past several months, and in this way, I'm re-learning how to reconnect with myself, which I need to do before I can do that with others again. Cooking and baking is a great reflective time for me, which also allows me to share my contentment with others.
These are just my thoughts, and in a way, although I pray to no one in particular, cooking allows me to still do this. Prayer is hope, in a way. Prayer is hoping to go someplace better, hope for help, hope for health, hope to make it through the next day. Cooking is prayer, because it is that hope, hope that this will taste good, hope that good things will come, hope that I'll keep getting better, healthier, happier.
Good day to you all! I can only encourage you to find something that brings you this much contentment, because it no longer becomes a chore, but something more. Find something that makes you this happy. We all need a little bit of joy in our lives, and I see not enough of it. Find an activity that washes away the dust of the day (what about showers, Laura? ha ha very funny). That's really all I can say on the matter. Find things you love and love them, good things will follow.
It just happens, in my case, it's food. And who doesn't like that?