Butterflies

I've been having some trouble writing an blog post. There are so many ideas I have boiling in my head, but it's difficult to actually type them all out. None of them form themselves into blog post, and just end up becoming pointless words jammed together. Or as I'm writing, I lose all interest in the subject. I had a fantastic topic comparing the father figures of the books To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee and A Game of Thrones by George RR Martin. I think that Atticus Finch and Eddard Stark have some innate similarities but still differences in how they adhere to their values. But both refused to dapple in politics with anything than an honorable and stout heart. But as I began writing this seemingly amazing literary post, all my steam just stopped. It's the ennui.
I frequently have these periods of lassitude. Words lose meaning, and nothing interests me. My brain becomes bored with even my most favored things. I'm not sure where they come from, or even why. Although I suspect it might have something to do with a recent and relentless onslaught of memories. For some reason, I've been thinking of my ex lately. And it's not usually the happy, I-really-miss-those-memories, and more of the, wow-I-can't-believe-I-stood-for-that-crap. Sorry for all the hyphens. Sometimes, I feel like the two of us didn't even release how wrong we were for each other. Also, that we remained in a relationship even after it should have ended. We coasted to graduation on momentum. I could be wrong in my reasons for my ennui or for my relationship. Although, I do miss him, at the same time I do feel much stronger and freer now that we parted ways. I care very deeply for him, but it happened oddly fast, in my opinion, the realization I didn't want him back and my life was less stressful without him in it either. I am genuinely happier not being in a relationship with him. It's been only about four months, and we were together just under four years. I even met a guy I like, and may have feelings for. Yeah, that's a little wrong. Is it? I feel very conflicted about the whole situation.
I miss the idea of him, rather than him as my partner. Is that wrong? Because I realize we just aren't meant for each other, there was so much wrong in our relationship, but neither of us saw it right away. I don't know why didn't acknowledge this, and this may seem like more a of hindsight thing. I loved him (always love him in a sense), but we just didn't fit together after a while.
I try to live by the idea of: you feel what you feel. But what if what I'm feeling is wrong? The pain is still there, but I don't miss his love or the times we shared. Maybe that's just a part of the moving on process. I experienced the guilt, the intense pain, the anger, the loneliness. Now, sometimes, I feel sort of numb towards the whole ordeal.  I can appreciate what we had and even think fondly of it, but I don't want it anymore. I can't linger on the past. What's done is done. Neither of us to blame for this, we grew up and during that, we grew apart. How can I mope over something that just isn't going to make me a better person, or help me grow up anymore? I can't. Which is why I don't necessarily understand these moments or rather lengthly and sporadic periods of time when I just reminisce on the relationship. It's not just good things: sometimes, it's very bad things. I let them play out inside my like a short movie, snippets of conversations, of arguments, of meals shared, and intimate moments (brushing my hair away from my face or a surprise gift). I let those emotions wash over me, icy and usually leaving a residue ache. And then I'll briefly feel the anger towards him or myself. Less frequently now, I'll cry a bit. There are no more sobs left in me anymore, though, and I don't think I could express such an intense emotion over this either. I've moved past such a intense and physical display for my break-up (there, I said it). I still hate saying that, because that also implies things were broken, when that's not the case. We grew apart, we didn't break apart. I may have felt shattered early on, but it's more that that. I think of us as butterflies. When we were dating, we were caterpillars in a shared cocoon. But when we ended our relationship, we busted through our little shells with new wings and starting a new stage of life. So, maybe not so much as breaking as beginning anew, just without each other. That still sounds a bit sad, maybe, but I think it's more of a truth than us breaking apart.
Again, what this all boils down to is all I can do is try in this life, and maybe I won't always succeed. But in trying to create a life with him, I was able to grow into a better, healthier, happier person, and that is what I've been able to take away from my relationship with him. And that's a good thing. What I feel is what I feel, and I can't change that. I must accept that. We all need to accept these facts of life. Sometimes people hurt us, sometimes we hurt other people, and it's okay to feel that hurt. It's okay to try things and be with people and love people, we will always try and try and try, and you know what? Sometimes, we're going to fail. Sometimes we're going to love people and then not love them anymore. Sometimes, we're going to love someone and grow with them and you're going to spread your wings one day, and that person won't be flying away with you. But don't stop flying because of that. 

Skin

Good morning to the three boys in the pick-up truck,

I know, it must have been hilarious to have seen me walking this morning, while unbeknownst to me, I had a little wardrobe malfunction. I know, hil-ari-ous. I wish I could say I'm sorry that my blouse untucked itself from my skirt, and - how horrible of me - showed off just a slice of skin on my waist. Absolutely terrible. But I just can't. And I know, you had to inform this to everyone around us by laughing uproariously and pointing while calling out rudely. I know I definitely needed that humiliation at eight in the morning. Thank you ever so much for doing me that favor.
I just really can't find any sort of humor in the sitauation at all. I mean, it's skin. On my waist. You have it too. I'm sure if you lifted up your shirt, you would have some there. Actually, I'm downright positive you will. Promise. Cross my heart even. So, what's the big deal if you see mine? Were you shocked, that as a woman, I had skin underneath my clothing? Did you miss that lesson in high school? It was an accident on my part; unfortunately for me, clothing tends to move around a bit when you walk a mile to work.
But what's even worse, was the whistling. Do I look like a dog, good sirs? If you whistled, was I suppose to obediently trot over to be petted? Last time I checked, there was no tail or floppy ears. So where did this idea come from, that whistling at me was your next course of action? And then you had the audacity to be shocked -shocked! - when I didn't respond to your catcalls. That's when you got so unnecessarily nasty with me. Funny, isn't it, that you would whistle at me so crudely and then I would dare not respond to you? Amazing, right? After you paid me such nice compliments by laughing at me, how was able to resist such charm?
Well, here's the secret guys: I'm not a dog. Or an object. I tend not to come when called. I make mistakes, and sometimes, even have wardrobe malfuctions on the way to work. It's because I'm human, and I really don't like being treated like anything less. I don't appreciate you humilitating me, and becoming angry when I ignore you. I'm also a woman, and you have no right to say such rude things to me. Ever. Because I do have skin underneath my clothing (take a minute to process that, I know some of you might need it). And you know what else? Every woman does. We have skin, big deal. I promise my waist will do nothing scandalous to you. So next time, keep those remarks to yourself. I don't appreciate you whistling at me, laughing at me, or even calling me a bitch when I didn't come over to you. I deserve to be treated with a little more respect than that. I know that might be a little too difficult for you to believe, since obviously, you were put on this planet to degrade women by humilitating them in public, but I think it's time for you to find a new hobby, boys.
 I mean, let's be honest, whywould any woman want to talk to you? Especially with such immature behavoir like that. Please, I would have a better conversation with a wall than you Neanderthrals.
So, this morning I kept on walking, and did my best to ignore your insults and taunts. I ignored the twinge of fear I felt, and hoped you didn't follow me. But you should be the ones feeling shame, not me. I have skin, you have skin. There is nothing wrong with it. It's actually pretty cool (being the largest organ and all), so make fools of yourself in your blue pick up, cat calling. I am better than that. All women are better than your perverted, sick archaic way of behaving. Grow up, boys, and do us all a favor and learn some respect.

Six reasons girls shouldn't go to college...what?!

Before we get started, let's begin on the same pgage. Yesterday, I read a very disturbing and very sad blog post on a Catholic run website. In the last twenty-four hours, this post (Six Reasons You Shouldn't Send Girls to College) has gone viral and generated a mulitude of responses. My initial reaction upon reading that terrible piece of writing was shock, quickly followed by disgust, and rounding third was anger.
Tell me, how is it that this archiac,  misogynistic, patriarchal piece of shit can still be an idea? Other than as a satrical piece written for a few laughs that should never have been posted. It's revolting to know somewhere a man (this was most assuredly written by a male) actually, truly believes this and wants to preach this sort of chauvanistic crap. And what's worse: people will believe him too!
That's the frightening part of this whole blog post for many women. As many caustic responses he received (some of which were quite brilliant), I think this post represents a large portion of the American, and unfortunately Christian, population and how they perceive women. And this perception revolves around women as objects not human beings. Women shouldn't receive an education because then they realize there is more to them than just ownership and baby making. That women have voices and hearts and wants other than shutting themselves in a home and pretending they don't exist. That's what is so goddamn scary about this: that there are men and women who still think like this.
As many women who scream from the top of their lungs that they deserve to be human beings and treated as such, there are tenfold more in the opposition. Articles likes this, even when reading them, sound so absurd to me, and probably to others. But then there are those who will read and nod their heads, mumbling 'yes! why waste an education on women? They should stay home and have babies!' And these are the people with the loudest voices. I was pleasantly surprised to see so many negative responses to the blog post, and not many voices rising up in agreement. Maybe that in and of itself shows something wonderful, that voices no longer remain content in silence, but instead more women and men speak out against such ridiculousness as that resoundingly ridiculous article.

Oh, here is the link to it, in case you're interested:
http://www.fixthefamily.com/blog/6-reasons-to-not-send-your-daughter-to-college

Greendrinks

Good evening friends and countrymen,

It is that time again to post my thoughts on life. A few meandering threads drift across my mind. I think I'm going to discuss my time tonight at a networking event. My supervisor recommend I try out a non-profit networking event that supports local business as well as local non-profits that promote the environment. I was slightly skeptical. Well, I went anyway. And it was pretty damn amazing. Besides all the wonderful dogs trotting around (especially the fuzz ball Golden retriever puppy), there were several local breweries pouring Autumn ales and beers.
The name of this nonprofit is GreenDrinks. It's monthly all year long. And something I encourage anyone living in Portland, ME to check out. It's brilliant. I made some new friends, and even met an AmeriCorps member! Amazing what networking will do. I gave her my email, and I hope we meet up again. I would love to hear what she's doing with her service.
Events like this always make me realize how much I enjoy social events and surrounding myself with people. These events allow me to expand my network of people while also making friends. A small yet incessant fear of mine is that I'll never meet anyone, when I know this isn't true. Not to sound condescending but I make friends and meet people fairly easily. Which is why this fear is all the more irrational.
Back to the nonprofit sector, one of the wonderful things about Portland is the active and large nonprofit presence. There are so many opportunities to help others, volunteer, and support local nonprofits. The idea of a more localized nonprofit is more appealing to me because I know my time, donations, and service has a more direct effect on the community I live and work in. I want to see the difference directly, know the people I work with, and connect on a more personal level. By participating in events like GreenDrinks, I know the people I meet I can meet up with later on, my money is going to a nonprofit in the area and I can see the direct results, and I'm strengthening my local community. This is an imperative part of the path I find myself on. Whereas huge, national nonprofits are important too, an individual is swallowed by the organization and it becomes harder to see how you've helped to make a difference or even what you do matters. Whereas with local nonprofits, the results are more poignant and immediate. You can see what you've done, helps. Now this isn't a universal outcome across the board, but it's important to support your local community. It should be a priority over major, national/international nonprofits I think.
That is extremely biased, but I think it's something we should think about more. AmeriCorps is so amazing like that because it is a national service corporation focusing on capitalizing and boosting local nonprofits.
Anyway, that's all folks. 

Jane Addams: Google likes her, so should you

For those of you who don’t know, 153 years ago, a brilliant woman was born. We know her for the great progressive work she accomplished during the latter half of the nineteenth century, most notably the foundation of the Chicago Hull House. Her name is Jane Addams.

She was an amazing woman, and an individual who helped to move the America into its progressive stage. Jane Addams also remains a vibrant inspiration for me, and I strive daily to follow in the path she worked so hard to create. In her memoirs, Twenty Years at Hull House, I firmly stand by her encouragement of young men and women to use their education for the betterment of others. By helping others you ultimately help yourself. Although at the time of the publication of her memoir, if memoir it be, the youth she targeted was of a higher, wealthier class, I believe her mantra remains relevant to today’s youth. With so many graduating from college into a sluggish job market, spending some time serving others will having a dual optimistic effect. On the one hand, you’ll have an enormous work force of individuals helping to build and refurbish communities, aiding the impoverished, the immigrants, the at-risk-youth while simultaneously building usable and valuable experience to help them gain better jobs in the future. Jane Addam’s legacy of service and philanthropy should not be so casually forgotten, which is why I am excited to see Google’s homepage today. It celebrates Jane Addams.

The reasoning behind my decision for AmeriCorps greatly lay with my reading of Twenty Years at Hull House. I first read it for a class I took, but I reread it again, and discovered so much more. Besides being a generally amazing individual, Jane Addams spirit, determination, and intelligence are nothing to shake a stick at. Her drive alone propelled so many movements and demanded a great deal of respect. She was an activist for a rather eclectic set of ideas: from immigration policy, women’s rights, voter’s rights, and labor unions. Although a wide range, she was well versed in all and managed to diligently work to promote all these issues without slacking in her other responsibilities at the Hull House.  

She is a role model for all women in my lowly opinion. For all men too.  Her time was spent on ideas, her mind focused on activism. Her generosity is sorely missed today. I think we could all do with a little bit more Jane Addams in our world today, wouldn’t you agree? Or maybe just read her memoir, trust me, it is definitely worth the read.   

Caution: Adulthood is here

Here, we are again. So soon too! Very exciting. There are so many thoughts jumbled up inside my head, and just not enough time to adequately explain all of them. My previous post did not do well with sorting out the facts of my life, but instead just grazed the surface. I really should explain more so that anyone who reads this knows the foundation I’m standing on currently.

To begin, this is the happiest I’ve felt in a very long time. Too long I think. The past three months have been a whirlwind of excitement. I’m an genuine adult, I pay bills and go food shopping (which is oddly cathartic, who knew?), I have an apartment which I attempt to clean regularly but I question whether or not the day is actually twenty-four hours long. I made a momentous decision to join the AmeriCorps*VISTA program. I work for a nonprofit company, in my case Catholic Charities Maine, as a full time employee, but I receive very little pay. Not going to lie about this part, but the money sucks. Not to worry though, my time here really enhanced my personal finance skills as well as gave me a new appreciation for the impoverished. It’s hard, it really is. I realize now that I am lucky to have the education I do which allowed me to adapt more easily and learn new things (such as extreme budgeting, to clarify no, that is not some overrated reality television show). But this isn’t about the money, although that is the topic that seems to pop up over and over. I work in an office in the Volunteer Services department. I love it. I love the service aspect of my job. Jane Addams’s Twenty Years at Hull House truly remains an inspiration to me, and I firmly believe in service after education. Do something useful and practical with your education, don’t waste it away. That may be my own spin on William James’ philosophy of pragmatism, but I believe that all individuals who go through the higher education system should spend some time after their graduation serving others through programs like AmeriCorps or Food Corps. Put that education to good use, not just some personal benefit.

Next thing on my list is my big move. Part of the stipulation of accepting this particular AmeriCorps*VISTA position was moving. Lucky for me, I moved to a place I wanted to anyway. The gorgeous state of Maine. I live in Portland, one of the biggest cities in the state, which is situated right on the shiny Casco Bay. I live with close friends, which makes things much better. But the city itself is absolutely wonderful. There is so much to do, so many places to explore. It has a character not seen down in New York. The arts are all around, in plain view and hidden. I’m hoping to become even more active in my community through some personal volunteerism, outside of the work I do. I’ve looked into several different opportunities and I eagerly await a response to my inquiries. I’ve thoroughly explore all over, I’ve become very familiar with the local book shops and comic book stores. So far, no good tattoo parlors though, so I’m still looking. Although a part of me misses home and Elmira, nothing compares to the exhilarating sense of freedom and this wonderful city.

I should have mentioned this earlier, I suppose, but I graduated from Elmira College this past June. It was very bittersweet, my now ex-boyfriend broke up with me around that time. It was sorrowful to say good bye to so many friends, but also very exciting. Newer and greater adventures lie ahead of me. Although I miss the good times we shared in the purple bubble, it was time for me to leave. I need something new, a different place, different people. This doesn’t mean I’ll forget about those friends and memories, surely not. Instead, I’m only adding to the memories with wonderful stories and interesting people. I love my job, I love being single, I love my apartment and the place I’m at in the world right now.       

Volunteering

Hello all!

I have finally awakened from my year long slumber, hopefully with more drive then before and will actually update this blog. Life Lessons with Laura is back on track and ready to roll. No guarantees, you've seen the poor track record.
 There is a great deal for me to explain to you as my life has radically altered from my last post. For one, I've moved! Second, I've graduated (with honors - go me!). Third, I have a job - sort of, I'll explain, I promise! I live in my own apartment with the three best roommates ever :) and oh, yeah, I'm single now too. Life is firmly on the fast lane and not waiting for anyone to catch up.

I currently live in Maine, which is awesome and beautiful and the hipster city of Portland is phenomenal! There is so much to do and see and all types of curisoities to shift through on a daily basis. Before you ask, of course I've found all the used book stores on Congress Street! Now before I become too longwinded on the beauties of my new life, I really should settle into the topic of this post.

Which is volunteering.

My job is with Catholic Charities Maine, a really stellar organization that focuses most of its energies on helping people. There really isn't a person CCM refuses to help (side note: I really wanted to use a double negative there, but didn't! Score!). CCM has over thirty organizations it runs and funds across the state of Maine (and for you lacking in geography, that's a massive area of land we're talking about). Anywho, I absolutely adore my job and can honestly say I don't dread waking up in the morning. Mostly, my satisfaction comes from knowing the help I give to others. Technically, my post here at CCM is through the national AmeriCorps program. I'm here to capacity build and set up a sustainable volunteer program in order for the organization to process and supervise volunteers for all of the various programs offered at CCM. Lots of jargon, I know. Basically, I'm here to help make their volunteer services department work more smoothly. Which is awesome! I'm here to help people to help other people! how cool is that?

'Why is that cool?' you may ask. Well let me tell you, good friend! My job is all about service. Volunteering is a huge deal. From a business stand point, volunteering is numbers and that manpower (or womanpower) means money, money saved and money earned. And since we live in a capitalist society, the money saved through volunteer service hours mean more funds for our programs, staff, and people who rely on us for help. Yeah, I know, it is pretty awesome. Not to toot my own horn or anything. I'm pretty lucky to work here. But volunteering really shouldn't be about the money. Instead, volunteering is a unique association of truly altruistic people giving of their time freely to help other people. Are there benefits for the volunteer? Of course! But think of the benefits that people are receiving from that time and service. It cannot be adequately counted. Volunteering is an amazing thing! Think about the volunteers in your neighborhood and thank them! Their time, their energy, and their service help build our communities. As human beings and instinctively social creatures, community building and altruism (aka the motive behind volunteerism) builds networks and ties that keep us stable, but more importantly builds relationships we need.

Volunteering has good effects for the community and the individual. On one hand you have a person helping another person or persons, which really, how can you find something wrong with that? Second, it helps the community by growing, stabalizing, and a whole list of other good things. Plus the volunteer gains some good things too. Volunteering is healthy, I promise, no bullshit. Here's an article to prove it!
 http://www.nationalservice.gov/pdf/07_0506_hbr.pdf

Next, volunteering allows individuals to meet, bond over shared interests, and overall, really, good things come from volunteering! So go out and volunteer! Meet people! Do things! Help others out!

Good day all! Arrivederci!

Disclaimer: These views are my own personal opinions and may/maynot reflect the views of Catholic Charities Maine, National Corporation for National Service, or AmeriCorps. Thank you.