Ciao!
Bueonasera! Mio italiano e molte bene! hahaha, mentirò. Il colazione e banana. Penso. Io ho la gonna.
Alas, that is far as I can get today. It's sporadic and poor, it makes no sense and has no theme to it at all. But I suppose my Italian is better than before. I have such issues speaking it and I wish I had someone to practice with. I think someone to speak to me in the language would help immensely, but no one around speaks it. And lessons are way too expensive for this chick. So Duolingo it is. But the real reason I decided to write today was about my new and improved decision to remain single. Yes. This little lady right here has decided that she needs lots of lady time, and that means no romance. As much as it kills me to ignore this desire and longing for a relationship, I know to really treat myself right, I need to do this. I need to stop searching for something I'm just not ready for. I need to come to terms with myself, and only myself, as a person and individual outside of a relationship. It sucks.
I don't want to be lonely, but I know that I'm not. I am surrounded by amazing family members and friends and others who really do care about me. My first priority is to myself and only myself. Then friends and family. Somewhere way down the line is romance. I am too busy for one right.
So that means grad school and learning Italian and dancing (amo ballare). It means dinners with my friends and having my mother and step-dad spend Thanksgiving with me. It means volunteering more and enjoying the sunshine. It means date-nights with just me, going to the movies or seeing a show. It means reading more books and writing more poetry. It means a lot of things that I want to do and no one to tell me differently. I won't make time for anyone that I don't want or share my room with anyone but myself. I can focus solely on this crazy chick behind the keyboard (for those of you who haven't guessed yet, that's me).
I don't want a rebound because I'm not going to get better by distracting myself with another human being, with more complicated emotions. Nope. I'm going to get better by treating myself right, but moving on with my own pace and own rhythm. I shake it off (Thanks T-Swift). I still think about my ex - a lot. I still miss him. So, why ignore those feelings? I'm going to feel what I need to feel, and I'm going to start doing right by me. It hurts that he's with someone new. But... rebounds are so messy. Because you what that teaches me? It teaches me that it is only through other romantic relationships can I feel better, feel whole. Well, the relationship I have with myself is going to get me better. I want to reach wholeness by coming whole myself. I want to have to a tumultuous love affair with me. I'm going to pamper myself and learn new things.
And well, dico italiano! I am going to love myself again.
So for the next two years, arrivedeci ragazzi e ragazze! Well, I'm not going to purposefully ignore new friends, but I want time outside of a relationship, out of romance. I just want time with myself. I want to find who I am now, as a twenty-something who wants to fulfill dreams and see the world. This is what I want, this is my dream now. I never thought I could find a new one. I never thought I would want something as much I once wanted my past relationship to work out. But I have, I have found something immensely better. And this is something I have control over, this is a dream, a goal that I can work for, obtain, and earn.
Ladies and Gentlemen, I am going to graduate school in Italy, and it is going to be the start of a new chapter of my life.
Boom. Wish me luck on this crazy, whirlwind of a life I lead. I wouldn't have it any other way.
Bueonasera! Mio italiano e molte bene! hahaha, mentirò. Il colazione e banana. Penso. Io ho la gonna.
Alas, that is far as I can get today. It's sporadic and poor, it makes no sense and has no theme to it at all. But I suppose my Italian is better than before. I have such issues speaking it and I wish I had someone to practice with. I think someone to speak to me in the language would help immensely, but no one around speaks it. And lessons are way too expensive for this chick. So Duolingo it is. But the real reason I decided to write today was about my new and improved decision to remain single. Yes. This little lady right here has decided that she needs lots of lady time, and that means no romance. As much as it kills me to ignore this desire and longing for a relationship, I know to really treat myself right, I need to do this. I need to stop searching for something I'm just not ready for. I need to come to terms with myself, and only myself, as a person and individual outside of a relationship. It sucks.
I don't want to be lonely, but I know that I'm not. I am surrounded by amazing family members and friends and others who really do care about me. My first priority is to myself and only myself. Then friends and family. Somewhere way down the line is romance. I am too busy for one right.
So that means grad school and learning Italian and dancing (amo ballare). It means dinners with my friends and having my mother and step-dad spend Thanksgiving with me. It means volunteering more and enjoying the sunshine. It means date-nights with just me, going to the movies or seeing a show. It means reading more books and writing more poetry. It means a lot of things that I want to do and no one to tell me differently. I won't make time for anyone that I don't want or share my room with anyone but myself. I can focus solely on this crazy chick behind the keyboard (for those of you who haven't guessed yet, that's me).
I don't want a rebound because I'm not going to get better by distracting myself with another human being, with more complicated emotions. Nope. I'm going to get better by treating myself right, but moving on with my own pace and own rhythm. I shake it off (Thanks T-Swift). I still think about my ex - a lot. I still miss him. So, why ignore those feelings? I'm going to feel what I need to feel, and I'm going to start doing right by me. It hurts that he's with someone new. But... rebounds are so messy. Because you what that teaches me? It teaches me that it is only through other romantic relationships can I feel better, feel whole. Well, the relationship I have with myself is going to get me better. I want to reach wholeness by coming whole myself. I want to have to a tumultuous love affair with me. I'm going to pamper myself and learn new things.
And well, dico italiano! I am going to love myself again.
So for the next two years, arrivedeci ragazzi e ragazze! Well, I'm not going to purposefully ignore new friends, but I want time outside of a relationship, out of romance. I just want time with myself. I want to find who I am now, as a twenty-something who wants to fulfill dreams and see the world. This is what I want, this is my dream now. I never thought I could find a new one. I never thought I would want something as much I once wanted my past relationship to work out. But I have, I have found something immensely better. And this is something I have control over, this is a dream, a goal that I can work for, obtain, and earn.
Ladies and Gentlemen, I am going to graduate school in Italy, and it is going to be the start of a new chapter of my life.
Boom. Wish me luck on this crazy, whirlwind of a life I lead. I wouldn't have it any other way.
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